My new credit card arrived today. The number is 3405 1697 3843 1101, expiry date 4/10. Just kidding. Now, as I called the 1-800 number to activate it, I was welcomed by a woman by the name of Kalifa... or something like that. By the sound of her scripted greeting I wasn't sure if I was talking to a human or if I was still stuck on the automated menu system. Eventually I took a shot in the dark and talked into the phone. Turns out she was real. Sort of. Perhaps she was an intelligent voice activated bot. Hard to say, really. Before she activated my card she gave me a FIVE MINUTE speal - schpeal? - about balance protection. If it weren't for her monotonous reading of the benefits, I would've thought she was quite passionate about the subject. I continued to doubt her humanness throughout the 'conversation' because she ceased to take a breath, which left me unable to say I wasn't interested in the product. At this point I considered hanging up the phone... but my credit card wasn't activated yet! I figured this is the type of torture I'd have to sit through in order to get a time-share or something... not a free credit card. Eventually she asked me if I wanted to activate Balance Protection on my card. I said 'no'. Thirty seconds later she said she was going to activate Balance Protection on my card if it was alright with me. Yet another sign that she wasn't human. The final test was to ask her a question that had little to do with activating a credit card. I asked her if she could increase the balance on my card. She seemed startled that I asked her a question that wasn't on her script. Eventually she said she would transfer me to someone else to complete the task. Before I forget, I want to recommend to you right now, "BOYCOTT BALANCE PROTECTION ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS". Judging by the force with which they are pushing this service on us, they are making a killing off of it. Stay away from it.
The person I was transfered to was a human being. I know this because he actually had a personality. After I gave him my credit card number he kept grunting and mumbling, 'hmmm...' for about two minutes straight. No words, no typing, just 'hmm...' I wondering if he was playing a game with his co-workers, trying to see how long he could string a customer along without actually saying or doing anything. Anyways, eventually he asked me where I worked. When I told him I worked for a coal mining company, he started going off about global warming and the ozone layer. Then he told me about his great aunt who had lymphoma or some other weird disease that she apparently contracted by living a mile away from a coal pit. Multiple times he warned me to stay safe at my workplace. I told him that I was just an office worker, but he was convinced that my health was at risk.
"Try not to breathe," he said.
I told him that all of life's problems would go away if I stopped breathing at work.
Eventually he decided to increase my credit to the amount I suggested after saying, "as long as you think you can handle it."
I thanked him and told him to have a good day.
He responded, "me too."
Not "you too."
"Me too."
Maybe he was a robot too...
4 comments:
Heh. I have balance protection on my TD visa. Yeah it sucks. Because I've been off work for over a month, they pay my 10 dollar minimum payment. This i guess could be worth it if I'm off for a number of years, but I'm sure I've paid more into it than I'll get out of it. I'm gonna ditch this protection program as soon as I start back to work.
I know what you are talking about! You really never know if it's a human or not. At least your card is activated. Maybe this this is a robot writing to you. Ryan is quite inventive.
I think anyone would sound like a robot after repeating something verbatim numerous times a day!
Haha!
I loved the "me too" part....sounds about right.
yep, balance protection is terrible. you think listening to the schpeal is bad, try activating the balance protection once you need it. seriously. i gave up and just paid the dang bill to be done with it.
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