Is Facebook a Plague?

Below is an email conversation between my friend, Rob, and I regarding the subject of Facebook.

Here is what Rob wrote:
All over the world, people are caught up with Facebook. Multiple times a day, they have to check whether they have any new wall posts, or new comments on their photos. It becomes an obsession to stalk each other's profiles, to keep up with who is friends with who, to keep up with any messages they send and receive. To see the latest pictures of everyone. It is an obsession that takes up more and more time. Some spend hours a day checking their Facebook, even in the boss' time.
Is it a new thing though? Didn't the same thing happen with MySpace before Facebook, or the many similar sites on a smaller scale? Don't we spend as much time on MSN or checking our email? Does anyone even turn off their cell phone at night anymore, let alone at any time during the day?
It seems to me that it's a trend that has been going on for years now. In the Western world, we have become more and more obsessed with being in touch with each other, in whichever way possible. A lot of older societies didn't spend nearly as much time on social interaction. Today, not only do we spend more time interacting face to face, we also use all the new technological devices available to us. The danger with them is that they are much more easily available to us. And so they lend themselves to addiction. Arranging with a friend requires time and effort from both. MSN means talking to whoever of your 200 friends is available, without having to leave the house. Facebook or Myspace don't even require the other person to be online, and, unlike email, they allow you to see your friends' activities too. Nothing is easier, and nothing requires as little personal effort. But it can end up taking a lot more time, simply because it is so easy.
So there are two very closely related dimensions to the problem. One, that we are obsessed with our social life, and two, that we are easily addicted. I distinguish between the two, because they have different implications. First, obsession with our social life. In itself, there should be nothing wrong with the increased importance of social interaction. But it either stems from, or helps to cause, a need to base our self-value on the opinions of other people. Our identity is found in who our friends are, even how many friends we have, what the group likes or dislikes. Even those who dress or act in such a way as to shock people, or to be different, do so in order to gain a certain kind of recognition. We measure everything we do according to the tastes and preferences of, or simply to impress those near us. In doing so, we rely on others for our own gratification. And I think Facebook and all the other devices I have mentioned are only a symptom of that, not the disease. Second, our easy addiction. That, too, is part of a bigger trend. Or is it a trend? Today, we turn to friends, computers, the internet, sex, drugs, alcohol and so many other things to find satisfaction. In the past, people turned to other things. For instance, in ancient Greece, and even in Europe during the Renaissance, prostitution was much more accepted than it is today. The difference, I think, is that, again, it has become more easily available to us. As humans, we are prone to looking for satisfaction outside of ourselves (unlike animals, for instance). That is the power of religion. And though we don't call it religion nowadays, we still worship all kinds of things in the same way, by devoting our time and resources to them. I think it is much easier to get addicted to such things these days, simply because things like Facebook and pornography are found in our own homes, where no one sees them. By making it hidden, we have increased its power.
My conclusion would be that Facebook, or any of the other devices I mentioned, is not a plague, or any kind of disease. It is a symptom of a much bigger plague. That plague touches us all. It is the plague of humanity. Facebook stands out as an example because of its novelty (the same has been said about things like televisions and computers, in their day). I don't see any reason to quit all these things. What is needed is an awareness of what they are and what they are not. They are not devices that are worth devoting our time to. They can be used for entertainment and communication purposes, but little more than that.


My Response:
Well put. I agree with you. My grandparents were the same way
about the internet when it first came out. They don't condemn people
for using it, but they still don't have it. They see it as
unnecessarily complicating life, and so, they choose not to use it. I
respect them for that. I even made sure my mom printed off my blogs
and monthly updates so they could stay informed as to what I was doing
while I was in Egypt.

The thing is, all of these addictions have snuck up on our
civilization until we have begun to rely upon them for life. I can't
imagine giving up the internet. I wouldn't mind giving up TV, but
movies would be horrible to give up. These things are useful in my
life. Not just for entertainment, but also to get me thinking, and to
learn more. But how can I stop at just that when I am only human? I'm
sure I abuse these things as well. That is why when I see the next
iteration of social entertainment come up, which, in this case seems to
be Facebook, I want to steer clear of becoming addicted to it and
relying on it like we rely on electricity. I have chosen to abstain
from it, and I think that choice should be respected. Such is not the
case with the people I talk to, however. Many of my friends argue with
me over why I won't get Facebook. Nobody can understand why I hate it
so much, and I can never articulate why I think it is so horrible. The
fact is exactly what you pointed out: Facebook isn't the problem.
People's addictive consumerist behaviors are. I know I, like most people,
can have an addictive personality, so I choose to steer clear of things that can
be of danger. I steer clear of alcohol, too. If I don't feel I need
these things, why should I subject myself to them? This has helped me
to understand those older generations that claimed TV was 'the devil'.
I always thought those people were just stuck in the stone ages and
scared of progress. They probably know that progress isn't what it has
cracked up to be.

With all this increase of communication throughout the world, the ease
of it, the convenience of it, people are 'communicating' more than
ever, yet it seems so many people are lonelier than ever. You can walk
through a city, filled with people, yet nobody talks with those around
them. They are on cell phones, or reading newspapers, or listening to
music. I look around at people on trains and buses and I see lifeless,
lonely people, searching for meaning. Families hardly even communicate
any more. People are so busy that they don't sit around a table
together to share a meal. Parents work longer hours, students spend
more time in school or doing extra-curricular activities. With the
ease of communication that surrounds us, we live in a pretty shallow
and ignorant world. We busy ourselves so we don't feel our emptiness
or loneliness. All we are doing is stuffing square pegs into round
holes.

Another Week, Another Fire

Last night was the first band concert of the school year. If you read my review about the last band concert I went to, you would have known how much I was looking forward to attending this concert. I remember sitting in the van as we drove home from work, thinking to myself, "Will someone barf at tonight's concert? How are they going to top their last performance?" My curiosity was interrupted as we rounded a corner and caught sight of my apartment building. I don't live in a flashy apartment building, so looking at it doesn't usually interrupt my thought process... but this time was different. There was smoke billowing out of the chimneys and pouring out of the windows. Flames were peeking out of the roof a couple apartments to the left of mine. Things were not looking good, especially on such a windy day.

My first thought was, "I hope my camera is alright!"
My next thought was, "I hope my laptop is alright!"
My next thought was, "What's with this town!?"

As I stepped out of the van I saw pastor Ted and Matt rescuing an elderly lady from the burning building. They said they just helped her across the street, but they were only being humble. What heroes! We sat on the Lyall's front lawn and watched our home get singed with fire and soggy with water. The elderly lady was taken into the Lyall's house to catch her breath (she was hooked up to an oxygen tank inside the burning building before the heroes escorted her away from there). Soon a gentleman from the Fording River mine rescue team stopped by to give her some oxygen until the ambulance arrived. By this time the streets were busy with small town folk walking and driving by to check out the excitement.

Eventually someone noticed a cat in the window of an apartment on the second floor. A man bolted forward and climbed up to the balcony of that apartment and opened the sliding door. He didn't come out valiantly holding the cat, but at least he opened the door and gave the cat a way out. Not only that, he increased the oxygen to that apartment so the fire could be fuelled further. What a hero! Actually, it was probably not a bad idea to open up the door. It rules out the possibility of a backdraft. I'm sure none of us want to sit through a sequel to that movie!

As the fire continued, more fire trucks arrived and the blaze was brought under control. It looked like my camera and laptop might've actually made it through the ordeal. Too bad I couldn't have been taking pictures of the event, though. I always miss out on these things! Like the time I watched a movie while the old school burnt down. How was I to know I was missing out on great photo ops just a block away? Nevertheless, I'm sure you're all dying to know if I made it to last night's band concert. I'm sorry to say, I missed it. I was too busy trying to figure out how to get a pair of underwear for today. We're a small town, remember. No Wal-Mart here!

Don't worry, the evening wasn't a total loss. The Calgary Flames beat Minnesota 5-3 last night! Before you make a bunch of jokes about flames and fire, I'll save you some time and let you know I've already heard them all. Don't even bother!

The Friendly Neighbourhood RCMP

Today I finally got around to driving my car to the glass shop to get the windshield replaced. On the way to the glass shop, an RCMP truck passed me going the opposite direction. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever passed an RCMP vehicle on this highway. It's also the first time I was driving down the highway with a broken windshield. Naturally the cop turned around and chased me down. They're never around when kids are breaking windshields, but you can always count on them to be there when you're driving to the glass shop to get the windshield fixed!

Elkford Crime Scene!

As pleasant as the town of Elkford is, it has come to my attention that it is not the innocent little mountain town I once thought it to be. Sure, I began to wonder when the old school mysteriously burnt down and a local church sign was ripped apart. It wasn't until I was personally victim to the town's plague of vandalism that I connected all the dots and realized that there is a major problem here. Earlier this week Matt walked into the room and asked me if I'd taken a look at my car recently. It seems the windshield got smashed by someone. The smash was dead center and definitely not an accident. The RCMP offered no help, naturally.

This brings me to the launch of the my new blog: Elkford Crime Scene. Why fall victim to the torrential onslaught of vandalism in this town without doing something about it? The Elkford Crime Scene site shall be dedicated to getting to the bottom of Elkford's vandals. If I hear about some vandalism going on in the town, I will post a summary of it on there. If anyone knows anything about the crime, they can leave comments on the post. If people wish to remain anonymous to the public, they can email their tips to elkfordcrimescene@gmail.com. Together we can catch the vandals! So far, my greatest resource is the high school students. I have a few of them working on investigating my windshield vandalism. We've already got a few leads, but will continue to gather evidence before approaching the suspects.

If the RCMP will not patrol this town, we citizens must band together to patrol it!

In other news, my credit card number was stolen this week. I noticed a charge on my credit card statement that I hadn't made. While I was checking it out online, Royal Bank phoned me up and asked if I'd made thousands of dollars of purchases online today. I had not. I don't think this was an Elkford crime, but it's annoying nonetheless. At least I won't be charged for all the purchases I didn't make. If only I wouldn't have to pay for the windshield that I didn't break.

Funny, while living in downtown Calgary I was victim to less crime than I am here...

Film Reviews

I am pleased to announce the creation of a new blog in conjunction with my roommate, Matt Yeomans. The blog is entitled Monson & Yeomans and it is a film review website. Check it out!

Bear Hunting

Last night pastor Ted and I went out looking for bears again. We found the remains of a moose that had been shot and a couple moose that were still alive and kicking, but no bear. These are a couple of shots I took last evening.

Office Excitement

This morning I was sitting in my office, working away like usual, when out of nowhere I heard a woman scream. Naturally I didn't investigate. As I continued working away on my computer, I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye. I looked to my right and saw a little mouse sitting in the doorway of my office. As soon as I acknowledged it, it scurried towards me as if I were calling it. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to try out my rubber band shooting skills on a moving target. The mouse ran off before I could get a decent shot off. I sat back down and continued working. I've come to realize that after living in Egypt, nothing phases me. Minutes later I heard another woman scream, this time from the opposite side of the floor as the first woman.

Following the second scream I heard the first woman call out, "How did he get over there?!"

I smiled to myself and continued working. A short while later I heard a smash that sounded a bit like wood against the floor. Then I heard jubilant laughing from the women in accounting. I assume that means Stewart Little is no more. Poor little guy. He was so friendly!

News

The Heagys have a new baby.
Andrew has a new wife.
I've got a 'new' car.

What's new with you?

School's Out For-EVER!

At 7 o clock morning I was awoken by the sound of sirens. After living in downtown Calgary for a few years, this seemed like nothing out of the ordinary, so I fell asleep again. After all, it was a Saturday and I deserved to sleep at least until 9 am. When I got out of bed a couple hours later, I realized that I'm a small town guy now and sirens should be a big deal to me. I figured this would be one of those things I'd hear around the water cooler for the next week or two.

I smelled smoke, similar to the smell of a camp fire. But there's a fire ban on right now, which should've been more reason for me to get excited. Yet I still didn't bother to look outside. After checking my email and reading up on the world news, I noticed the smell of smoke was even more prevalent. I finally sauntered over to the balcony and looked outside. It was quite smokey out there. Not only that, but it was snowing large pieces of ash. Again, you would think that this would pique my curiosity and send me outside in search for the excitement. Instead, I decided to have a shower... just in case the town was evacuated due to an uncontrolled forest fire (I wouldn't want to be driving around, looking for lodgings with bedhead).

After my shower I looked outside once again and saw more people than usual driving around town. I also heard someone on a loudspeaker outside. I put on an episode of the BBC's "Planet Earth" and closed the window to block out the noise and smoke. I had to get through this DVD if I wanted to fit in my maximum number of movies for the month!

Later that day Kristine with a 'K' phoned me up and asked, "So, did you hear the school burned down today?" I hadn't heard. The morning made a lot more sense now, though. Turns out I had that shower for nothing. We walked over to the smoldering rubble and I snapped a few shots. The fire chief came over and talked to us. Apparently his vacation isn't going very well. This is possibly the biggest fire Elkford has ever seen. Surely this event will be talked about for years to come!

Don't worry. This school was not in use any more so next month's classes will not be affected by this 'disaster'.

Movies

My roommate, Matt, left for vacation a few weeks ago. That left me home alone with little to do... so I signed up for a free trial from Zip.ca! Zip.ca is an online movie rental distributor. You choose a bunch of movies you want to see, and they mail them out to you. Simple as that! There are a number of different plans available to suit your movie watching needs. For instance, I get three movies out at a time, with unlimited monthly DVD rentals. So, if I watch movies fast enough, I can watch about 20 movies a month, all for one monthly fee of $24.99 or something like that.

Anyways, I thought I'd fill you in on the movies I've watched so far:

The first movie I received was 'Festival Express', which is a documentary about a rock festival that travelled across Canada in the 1970's. The film included performances from bands such as Janis Joplin, the Grateful Dead, the Band, Buddy Guy, the Flying Burrito Brothers, etc. The movie was enjoyable to watch, with entertaining performances, but it fell short of content. Showing a few performances took up a good portion of the 90 minute running time and left you feeling like you didn't get much out of the experience. At the same time, however, there are many extras on the DVD that include additional performances not shown in the film. Perhaps those would make up for the seeming lack of content.

The next movie to show up was 'Syriana', starring George Clooney. I had heard good things about this movie, so was expecting a good performance. For the most part, it was an entertaining movie. It took place in the Middle East, so naturally I liked it because it took me back to a familiar place. Clooney's Arabic wasn't entirely convincing, but I'm sure mine isn't either. I already forget the premise of this movie (which happens quite often with movies that don't really strike me), but I remember being disappointed with the end result of the movie. Don't even remember why, though.

Next up was 'Maria Full of Grace'. I thought this film was great. It's about a young Colombian girl who becomes a drug mule to America in order to make a lot of money. It's a disturbing movie of desperation, but has a tinge of hope, which I always require movies to have if I am to enjoy them. The story draws you into it which helps you relate to the emotions being portrayed on screen. I gave this film 5 stars out of 5.

'Control Room' was the fourth movie sent to me. It is a documentary about the Al Jazeera news network. The Al Jazeera network is the most prominent news network in the Middle East. It has many journalists working for them who were formerly associated with the BBC and other acclaimed news networks. The documentary takes place during the 2003 war with Iraq where Saddam's regime fell. It was a very interesting movie that showed how different networks spin stories different ways depending on the audience they are catering to. It sort of revealed that there is no objectivity in journalism. Still, Al Jazeera tries to claim as much objectivity as possible in their journalistic endeavours. This movie is certainly worth checking out.

'United 93' is the next film that arrived. I didn't really want to see this movie, but felt that I should check it out anyways. I'm not gonna beat around the bush here, I thought it was a terrible movie. Most of the acting was just horrible. I guess that's what happens when you let actual air traffic controllers do their own acting. I might hand it to them for giving it a try, but the truth is they shouldn't have given it a try. Anyways, the movie was really boring and could have done without the first 100 minutes. It's only a 111 minute film, by the way. I wonder what Americans think of this movie. One out of five stars from me.

The most recent film I watched was Ingmar Bergman's 'Winter Light'. This is a movie about a pastor of a small church who becomes uncertain about his faith in God. It's a short movie, yet it packs a lot of thought into it. Of all these movies, this is the one I have been thinking about the most since watching it. Defintely worth checking out if you don't rely on Hollywood gimmicks to make a movie enjoyable for you.

Canoeing the Elk River

On Friday afternoon Aaron, his cousin Devon, and I grabbed a three-man lake 'Scanoe' and headed down to the Elk River. This was to be our test run to see if the lake canoe was river-worthy. If it passed the test, we would do a longer trip on Saturday.

We drove just upriver of Elkford to our launching point. As we turned off the road, a young teenage couple were making out where we wanted to drive through. They stopped and looked at us, not thinking to move out of the way. Devon had to open his window and say to them, "We'd like to back in here if you don't mind!" They reluctantly got up and moved out of the way.

As we backed the truck towards the river, another teenage girl in a bikini came staggering towards us. "Oooh! Are you guys from ALBERTA?" Looking inside the truck, "Whoa! Theres a GIRL in here!" This chick was clearly inebriated with 'shrooms' since one of them was holding them in their hand as we passed by. There were a couple other bikini clad girls swimming in the muddy pool of water that connected to the river.

As we lowered the canoe into the water, I reminded Aaron that I can't swim. I figured now was as good a time as any to bring that to everyone's attention. Shortly after, we pushed off from the riverbank and started rowing away from the drugged up girls. One of them shouted to out us, "You guys aren't gonna swim in the water? You guys are pussies!"

Soon we were out on the river, shooting through white-cap rapids, bouncing off massive rocks, and plummeting over waterfalls. Just kidding. The main challenge to our canoeing was dodging the many fallen trees and log jams that litter the river. At times the current from the river would pull us towards the log jams where the water rushed beneath them and threatened to pull us under as well. For the most part, however, the river was fairly navigable. For three guys who had no idea how to work together to control our canoe, we managed to reach our rendezvous point in one piece. This meant that our Saturday canoe trip was a go!

---

Saturday afternoon we found ourselves floating down the Elk river once again. Devon was in the back providing rudder action for us, Aaron was in the middle shouting out paddling directions, (mostly to himself, I think) and I sat in the front navigating. Some highlights from the trip were floating beneath a tree that had fallen across the river, shooting through the 'rapids' where the river narrowed, and just enjoying the beauty around us during the calm stretches. Not-so-highlights consisted of having to portage a couple times past log jams, somehow spinning around backwards while trying to avoid a log jam, and launching off from crap/algae infested waters. Even the not-so-highlights added to the fun of the adventure, though.

Bear Hunting

Earlier this week I went bear hunting with Pastor Ted and his son-in-law Craig. My weapon of choice was a Canon Digital Rebel XTi with a 75-300mm lens. We had no luck in locating a bear, though. All we saw were a few deer, a moose, and some elk far off in the distance.

The Story of the Suicidal Fan

Elkford has been a much hotter place to live than I originally anticipated. Of course, part of that is probably due to being on the third floor, facing the evening sun. But still, it's been 33 degrees quite steadily for about the past month. I think my apartment in Egypt was cooler than the one I have now. Hard to say due to the fact that I've gone through another Canadian winter since then and have probably been reclimatized to Canadian weather. At any rate, sleeping has been difficult in this steady heat.

Luckily, while complaining to friends about the sweltering heat in our apartment, Aaron (with an 'a') mentioned that they probably had a fan they could lend me. After a peek downstairs, Kristine (with a 'k') came up with a small retro fan. It was a light blue thing that weighed as though it was made entirely of metal. And it probably was, too. The actual fan portion of it could probably double as a boat propeller. The grill on the front of the fan was not much of a grill, either. You could probably stick your fist in there and lose your entire hand. At any rate, I think it is safe to say that this fan was not built to run through the entire night, day after day, week after week. My first clue to this was when I would wake up in the morning and notice that my bedroom was much hotter than any other room in the apartment. I put my hand over the back of the fan and felt waves of heat billowing out of it. Had the surface been fit for cooking an egg, I certainly could have cooked an egg on it.

That was the first problem with that fan. The next problem was that it had a slight rattle to it. It wasn't so bad at first, but each day it seemed to get louder and more annoying. Last night the rattle was so bad that I couldn't even sleep. I lay there, glaring at the fan, willing it to stop rattling. Soon, my wish came true. The fan jumped off the chair it was sitting on and made a giant leap towards my bed. It tried too kill me! Now, when I say it 'jumped' off the chair, I probably mean it fell... but that doesn't make for a very exciting story now, does it? Anyways, that murderous fan jumped to its death, for upon landing, the metal propeller dislodged from it and started clawing at the sad excuse of a grill. Clearly the propeller was making a last ditch effort to kill me. I pulled the plug as it repeatedly bashed against the metal grill. It lay there, motionless. Dead. That was the end of the suicidal retro fan.

There is a happy ending to this story, though. Not for the crazy suicidal retro fan, but for me. I was telling the pastor of my church about the super crazy suicidal retro fan before church started this morning. He couldn't bear the thought of me trying to sleep in my hot apartment without a fan, so during the announcements, he told the congregation about my great need for a fan. Now I sit in my apartment with not one, but TWO working fans, one of which is massive. Tonight I shall sleep like a baby. May that super crazy killer suicidal retro fan rest in pieces. The end.

Customer Support at the Royal Bank

My new credit card arrived today. The number is 3405 1697 3843 1101, expiry date 4/10. Just kidding. Now, as I called the 1-800 number to activate it, I was welcomed by a woman by the name of Kalifa... or something like that. By the sound of her scripted greeting I wasn't sure if I was talking to a human or if I was still stuck on the automated menu system. Eventually I took a shot in the dark and talked into the phone. Turns out she was real. Sort of. Perhaps she was an intelligent voice activated bot. Hard to say, really. Before she activated my card she gave me a FIVE MINUTE speal - schpeal? - about balance protection. If it weren't for her monotonous reading of the benefits, I would've thought she was quite passionate about the subject. I continued to doubt her humanness throughout the 'conversation' because she ceased to take a breath, which left me unable to say I wasn't interested in the product. At this point I considered hanging up the phone... but my credit card wasn't activated yet! I figured this is the type of torture I'd have to sit through in order to get a time-share or something... not a free credit card. Eventually she asked me if I wanted to activate Balance Protection on my card. I said 'no'. Thirty seconds later she said she was going to activate Balance Protection on my card if it was alright with me. Yet another sign that she wasn't human. The final test was to ask her a question that had little to do with activating a credit card. I asked her if she could increase the balance on my card. She seemed startled that I asked her a question that wasn't on her script. Eventually she said she would transfer me to someone else to complete the task. Before I forget, I want to recommend to you right now, "BOYCOTT BALANCE PROTECTION ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS". Judging by the force with which they are pushing this service on us, they are making a killing off of it. Stay away from it.

The person I was transfered to was a human being. I know this because he actually had a personality. After I gave him my credit card number he kept grunting and mumbling, 'hmmm...' for about two minutes straight. No words, no typing, just 'hmm...' I wondering if he was playing a game with his co-workers, trying to see how long he could string a customer along without actually saying or doing anything. Anyways, eventually he asked me where I worked. When I told him I worked for a coal mining company, he started going off about global warming and the ozone layer. Then he told me about his great aunt who had lymphoma or some other weird disease that she apparently contracted by living a mile away from a coal pit. Multiple times he warned me to stay safe at my workplace. I told him that I was just an office worker, but he was convinced that my health was at risk.
"Try not to breathe," he said.
I told him that all of life's problems would go away if I stopped breathing at work.
Eventually he decided to increase my credit to the amount I suggested after saying, "as long as you think you can handle it."
I thanked him and told him to have a good day.
He responded, "me too."
Not "you too."
"Me too."

Maybe he was a robot too...

Thunder in the Valley

Last night I attended the legendary "Thunder in the Valley" fireworks display in Blairmore, Alberta. This was unlike any other fireworks show I had attended before. People began flooding into the town at 6 pm for a show that didn't even begin until 11 pm. The town is overrun by people for this event. Police, RCMP, and firemen are brought in from surrounding towns and cities to help control the onslaught of people. The railroad through town was shut down and speed limits were lowered along the highway.

The show was ushered in with AC-DC's 'Thunderstruck'. The fireworks began in huge quantities as if we were already at the show's finale. Throughout the show I remember my chest shaking from all of the explosions above me. The sound was truly thunderous. Now and then flame mushroom clouds would shoot from the ground, instantly warming our faces. Other fireworks were so bright that they lit the field as if it were day. This was one firework display that my camera simply couldn't capture properly. Most of the time there were too many colors in the sky, too many different things going on. These pictures simply don't do justice to the show.

All too soon 'Thunderstruck' began a second time as the finale of the evening began (though, as I said before, it seemed as though the finale began when the show did). Now all that was left was a sea of people in a town unfit to hold them all. We spent over two hours sitting in my vehicle, waiting for traffic to move. The town had been hit by a plague of tourists and simply couldn't cope. Despite all of the rerouting of roads and police directing traffic, things simply weren't moving. Our only entertainment was watching drunk people brawling outside the bars, angry drivers shouting at each other, and the odd group of police officers chasing after someone. It was truly a festive evening.

Comedy

Do you know what the best kind of comedy there is? Some people will say puns are, because they're witty. Those people are idiots. Others will say sarcasm. But that gets old after a while. According to the comedians on TV, sexual comedy is the funniest. That's clearly not the answer, though. If it stops being funny when your grandma walks in the room, how funny can it be?

To me, the greatest form of comedy is none other than physical comedy. It's universal! Kids laugh when you stub your toe and dance around teaching them new words. People who don't even speak your language will undoubtedly laugh when you get bonked over the head with a frying pan. Take a look at 'America's Funniest Home Videos'. Every show has a segment of guys getting hit in the balls.

Why is it so funny to laugh at other people's misfortunes? Why is it that I will go to a skateboard park just to watch people fall? Why is it always tough to hold in your laughter when your friend gets electrocuted? C'mon! I know it isn't just me that finds this stuff funny. Think about it... You're sitting at the dinner table, eating some Shepard's Pie. Sally takes a drink. As she swallows, and bit of her water goes down the wrong pipe. Suddenly she starts coughing uncontrollably. Between coughs you can hear a bit of a gurgle and the odd burp. The rest of the water in her mouth comes splashing out all over her food as she continues to cough. Soon she's dry coughing with a little string of slobber hanging down into her plate. Sally thinks she's dying. Everyone else at the table thinks it's hilarious. You must find this funny. I always get loads of laughs when I do this gag. Of course, I never do it on purpose, but that's besides the point.

Now that I've convinced you that physical comedy is funny, let me tell you about my favorite part of each day. The ride home from work. Each day at 4 pm, the office staff from our mine file out of the building and onto a blue and white prison bus. Since most people wake up at 5 am each morning, they are quite ready for a nap during the ride home. I never sleep in vehicles any more because I'm too scared the driver will fall asleep (thanks dad). So, while sitting bored for the 25 minute drive home, I watch people as they nod off to sleep. The exciting ones to watch are the people who sit fully upright in their seats and sleep. As they sleep their heads bob back and forth as the speed of the bus changes. The best part of the drive is when we reach the switchbacks near the bottom of the mountain. The bus turns corners so sharply that those upright sleepers with the bobbing heads suddenly get their head smashed against the window. They wake up in a panic wondering what in the world could be happening. Then they rub their head and glare at the window for a while. I can't help but laugh to myself every time this happens. It's even funnier when it happens to the same person multiple times. Some people just never learn!

Fun with Silica Gel!

The great Silica Gel Experiment of 2007 is approaching. Today, while carrying out the mundane task of inventorying new computer products, I found a package of Silica gel. Noticing that the package says "DO NOT EAT. THROW AWAY" on it, I promptly dared my coworker, Chad, to eat one. Haven't you ever noticed that when something says DON'T you have an uncontrollable urge to DO? I was reminded of this about a week ago when I opened up a new hard drive that had a tiny hole on the top of it. Beside the hole was a sticker that said, "Do not cover hole." Naturally I covered the hole with my finger. I half expected a spike to shoot out of the hole and penetrate my finger. Nothing happened, though. I'm still alive, and so is the hard drive.

Back to my story, though. I offered Chad one dollar to eat one Silica gel capsule. "A shiny new loonie with your name on it," I said. He was tempted, but being the safety conscious guy he is (Chad will lecture a police officer on not being safe), Chad decided to look up the qualities of Silica gel on Wikipedia. While learning all about Silica gel, we learned that if the capsule turns pink after it gets wet, then it is toxic. To test this theory, we poured some Silica beads into a little indent in a piece of styrofoam and added some water. The Silica beads didn't turn pink. But they DID start popping like popcorn. After a minute or so of popping, the Silica gel settled down again.

Seeing what fun that was, Chad and I poured a much larger amount of beads onto the styrofoam and then poured water onto it. If a few beads were fun, more beads would be hysterical! This time, the beads got a little out of hand and started popping all over our office. We shielded them as best we could with our hands while trying to stifle our laughter. You'd be amazed at the things that amuse you when you have an office job. Anyways, this little experiment gave us a great idea: for the rest of the summer, we will stockpile all of the silica gel we get from packages. At the end of the summer we'll take the beads outside and throw them into a bucket of water. Can you imagine the fun this will be? Oh joy!

For the rest of the day I kept slipping on Silica beads that had popped all over our office. It's actually kind of cool when you roll over them because they shoot straight into the air and hit the ceiling. It's kind of embarrassing when this happens when the boss comes in, though. How do you explain Silica beads shooting through the air in your office? Anyways, give it a try. Add some water to your Silica beads. The fun is never ending. I dare you to eat one!

While in Calgary this past weekend, I picked up a book entitled "Walking the Bible". It is "A journey by land through the five books of Moses," written by Bruce Feiler. Last year I read William Dalrymple's "From the Holy Mountain" which was a journey through the shadows of fading Byzantine culture in the Middle East. Dalrymple's book whetted my appetite for travel literature, particularly in the Holy Lands which is why "Walking the Bible" seems so appealing to me. In this book, author Bruce Feiler grabs his Bible and heads off to the Middle East to travel around to each area mentioned in the Pentateuch. As he is at each spot, he reads the Biblical account that happened around that area. This is something I enjoyed doing last summer while I was traveling through Egypt, Jordan, and Israel. I only wish I could've packed more of it into my short travels. At any rate, if you notice a lack of blogs in the next week or two, it's probably because I'm journeying through the Holy Land with Bruce Feiler as my guide. Feel free to run to your local Chapters/Indigo/Coles store so you can join me on this journey. For my lazy Canadian readers, you can click here to purchase the book on Amazon.ca.

Mt. Wapiti

These are a few of the pictures I took during Saturday's hike. Click here for more!

A Manly Day

Yesterday (SATurday) I woke up at 7 am (on a SATurday), ready to hike a mountain (yes, on a Saturday). The weird thing about this is that 7 am was sleeping in for me. The van Leeuwens (my host family in Egypt) would be proud of me. Three friends and I set off to hike Mount ______ (I actually don't know the name of it... neither did anyone I was hiking with). The bottom portion of this mountain is a ski hill, so, many people just refer to it as 'the ski hill' (have you noticed how many brackets I've been using? It's like I'm giving a commentary on my writing as I write it... stay tuned for more). By the time we reached the top of the ski hill, one of the guys we were with was sweating quite profusely and unable to catch his breath. He decided he could no longer go on with us and turned back. Being the men we were, we let him leave so he wouldn't slow us down. By 11:40 we reached the peak of the mountain. Now, when I say peak, I don't mean a nice flat area where lots of people can sit and enjoy the view. I mean a place where three guys can barely sit comfortably to enjoy the view without falling off the cliff in front of them, or falling back down the shale slopes of the other side. Definitely the least accommodating mountain peak I've ever been to.

After enjoying the view for a few minutes and seeing if our (my) belches would echo through the valleys, we slid (unintentionally) down the shale until we reached more solid ground. From there we scouted out of a good spot for a fire where we could cook up some lunch. Naturally, I brought along my Heinz Ketchup (because there's no other Keinz) to garnish my burnt hot dogs. This is when I realized that I brought along as much Ketchup as I brought of water. This is also when I realized that 7 hot dogs will make a man quite thirsty. This is when I ran out of water.

Going down the mountain wasn't the speedy endeavor I was hoping it would be. The whole way down we were doing controlled falling (as much as we could control, at least). At one point, the guy in the rear fell and let loose a huge rock which came shooting down directly at us. Chad and I both had to jump in the air to dodge the rock as it bounced up just before reaching us. We narrowly cleared the rock as it continued rocketing down the mountainside. On the way down I realized how inconvenient is was to bring a digital SLR camera on the hike with me. The other two guys were struggling to keep from breaking bones. I was struggling to keep from breaking my camera. As we descended farther and farther down the mountain, I became more and more parched. At first I was getting the pasties (how did that glue get in my mouth?). Then there was nothing. Not even cotton. I quickly realized that my lips were chapping. I was surely going to die (not from chapped lips).

Eventually, we emerged from the thick brush and trees at the top of the ski hill. I saw the lodge at the bottom of the hill and began running towards it. Fifteen minutes later I reached it, with newly formed blisters on my feet from the run down the hill. Surely that was in record time. I chugged 1.5 Litres of water, forgetting that I needed to breathe. This is when I remembered the seven hot dogs I ate... and the seven buns they were in. Those buns suddenly expanded in my stomach. But it was worth it. Water was my new best friend. After getting home I drank as much water as I could stomach. Soon I was able to pee for the first time since waking up that morning. I don't want to over-elaborate here, but my pee was a distinct orange color, much like the time I was OD-ing on multi-vitamins.

That evening, with a searing headache from dehydration, I decided to go fishing with my friend Joe. He taught me to fly fish! I caught three fish that evening. Two with the fly rod, and one with a spool rod. Not too shabby! Anyways, I got home and reflected on all the outdoorsy stuff I did that day, and came to the conclusion that it was a manly day. That 'Wild at Heart' fellow would be proud of me. Click here to see some pictures from the hike.

Fireworks!!

These are a few of the pictures I took this past weekend of the fireworks from Wildcat Days and from Canada Day. Click here to see more of them!

Wildcat Days

These are a few photos that I took during Elkford's "Wildcat Days" this past weekend. Wildcat Days is the town festival, complete with parades, bands, beer gardens, games, and fireworks. I'll be posting some pics of the fireworks at a later date. I was amused while taking these pictures because so many people would see my big camera and ask if I was from the newspaper or a magazine or something. Ha! Small town folk.

Soccer Tournament

I'm sure you're all dying to know the results of this weekend's U16 soccer tournament. The day began at 9 am with a game against Sparwood 1, which was the only team that ever beat us during the regular season (and only because their ref was clearly sleeping with someone on the Sparwood team... what an outrage). The Combat Wombats (that's our good ol Elkford team, in case I haven't told you that before) took out Sparwood 1 no problem. Next game was at 12:20 against Pincher Creek (yes, they're the ones with the new Wal-mart and they're pretty cocky because of it). Pincher Creek couldn't handle the Wombat Power and quickly (two 40 minute halves later) handed Elkford yet another victory. This brought us to the Gold Metal Match against Sparwood 2, the climax of our year. Going into this game we were all pretty confident that we would walk away with the gold. Perhaps too confident. The first goal of the game was by us... only it was on our own net (a slight defensive redirection gone wrong). Eventually we tied it up with another goal. Late in the second half we scored once again. 2-1, Elkford. Sparwood has yet to score their own goal. A few minutes before the end of the game, Sparwood gets their first REAL goal, tying the game at 2-2. This brought us to five minutes of overtime, which quickly disappeared. The goal metal match was to be decided by a shootout. Apparently it only makes sense for a team game to be concluded by putting all the hopes of winning on a single individual. Poor goal keepers. I won't bore you with the dramatic details of the shoot-out because in the end... we lost. Not to worry, though, we still got silver metals. I took a bunch of pictures throughout the tourney, the are uploaded into two galleries. Click here for soccer galley #1. Click here for soccer gallery #2. Here are a couple to whet your appetite: